Thought experiment: imagine the boss at work is critical of your performance. A common reaction to criticism is feeling worthless and inadequate. The connection between stimulus (criticism) and emotional reaction (negative self-judgement) is made stronger by rumination (not letting it go). The brain interprets rumination as a signal that the connection is important. Consequently, the neural pathway is made stronger by ‘myelin’, a protective covering that improves the connection (like plastic around wire cables). The result is a reflexive response to criticism that becomes a bad habit.
The conscious brain can see traps the unconscious brain cannot. The trap of over-analytical thinking is often rumination in disguise. The brain is seduced into thinking that it can“think its way out” of negative thoughts. This can often feel like an honest and well-intentioned effort. However, mindfulness shows how this often turns into the justification of bad habits. We might say to ourselves ” I have a right to feel angry at criticism!” (even in situations where criticism is appropriate and even useful). In the long-term, resistance to criticism reinforces a negative reaction. Instead, we are best off training ourselves to accept and let go of unhelpful thoughts.
Next time the boss is critical of your performance we train for a better response. The most important principle to remember is: respond, don’t react. This is done through slowing down and being more mindful before we act. Pause and reflect on the possible causes for the criticism. Perhaps the boss is having personal problems, hasn’t slept or eaten properly, or even had a minor accident on the way to work, etc. The perspective on the situation becomes wider and more compassionate. Many factors in life are unseen, out of our control, or both. However, what we do have control over is our conscious response to stimulus. Free from reactivity, we can choose the most empowering response. The boss’s criticism can now be used as fuel to improve our productivity. The most extreme example of turning a challenging stimulus into an advantage is during war. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a commonly used term, but few of us have heard of Post-Traumatic Growth PTG). This empowering response to stimulus is explored by Nassim Taleb in his blog Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder. When we learn to turn a situation to our advantage we become ‘anti-fragile’.
“Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.”
―Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Associations between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can be changed for our benefit. It’s now widely believed that humans have an innate negativity bias that was adapted for survival, but with training we can subtly shift this towards the positive end of the spectrum. It’s important to understand that the human brain has evolved to survive and procreate, and has not evolved to necessarily be rational or happy. However, it does have the capacity to consciously improve itself, which is where CBT and mindfulness training comes in. For example, a scenario in which someone appreciates your work could cause the thought, “You’re doing a good job: keep going!” or it could be being interpreted to mean, “They think I’m doing a good job: now is the time to kick back and slack off”. Therefore, the decisive outcome of any experience comes from our trained interpretation of events, which we can direct towards more empowering meanings, cultivating healthy thought-associations. Thought-associations act as a blueprint for the brain for how to react next time. Over a sustained period of time, and with conscious practice, it becomes easier and simpler to make the right response automatic. Empowering positive associations become established as a matter of habit.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
–Aristotle
Consequently, to truly understand the obstacle, it’s important to see the chain reaction of associations that patterns our brains for a particular response. This might be quite challenging if a negative thought pattern is deeply entrenched in your mind, but with the help of CBT and other synergistic practices (such as Stoicism, Buddhism, and positive psychology), it’s possible to get both immediate results and long-term freedom from the causes of suffering.